The Scottish cocaine influencer who wound up homeless in Latin America

Before you all ask, Beth is too busy putting the Bell Boys to shame, story after story, scoop after scoop, to pen her much-anticipated writers’ edition. It’ll be worth the wait, though; you can expect hot-as-hell takes, cold-as-ice Buzz Balls and much else besides. In the meantime, I’ve stepped up to the plate. If you’d like to complain about the matter, email beth@glasgowbell.co.uk 

Nosing around the internet with the Sniff Adviser 

My social media feed is cooked. What with the biohacking tips and manosphere monologues, it’s got to the point where the algorithm isn’t sure if I’m a wholesome sourdough influencer or a deranged incel. I blame James English and Nicky Modlin. Now, every time I open Instagram, I’m presented with videos from a 21-year-old who reviews cocaine across the world. And it’s probably also why I now also get targeted ads highlighting the risks of taking street drugs. 

For those who aren’t familiar — and why would you be, quite frankly? — the Packet Connoisseur, or Packetman as he is sometimes known, is a man in his early twenties from East Ayrshire; Kimaurs, to be precise, like the Nobel-prize-winning nutritionist John Boyd Orr. He’s racked up tens of thousands of followers (and presumably lines) reviewing “the packet”, primarily in Latin American countries, but also Dubai, Hong Kong and Italy. These days, in the face of countless bans, he’s now a “coffee reviewer”, but that’s not fooling anyone, is it? 

The sheer brazenness of his early posts is remarkable: videos on TikTok and Instagram reviewing the gear in Columbia, Mexico, Peru and Brazil — making no effort to hide his nocturnal activities. “If you don’t take coke, you’re woke,” was one of his early catchphrases.

As if to illustrate the destructive nature of the drug, the Connoisseur’s posts have grown increasingly grim. Videos went from “How good is the packet in Brazil” to “Framed for drugs & forced false confession at Dubai Airport” and “The Packet Connoisseur breaks down why he’s banned from the USA”. His Instagram stories and videos started to become cluttered with ads for online poker and gambling websites: “Use code PACKET to claim a 150% bonus”. His videos took on a deranged quality, as if they weren’t already. And then things got even darker.

Some content moved over to encrypted apps like Telegram (where he has also been banned for violating its terms of service), and controversial streaming platform Kick. Videos showed him procuring drugs in favelas with cartel members, automatic weapons on show. It seemed only a matter of time before something really bad happened. His fans, who started off amused, grew increasingly concerned for his welfare. Comments went from “This is what I call public interest journalism” to “This is heartbreaking to watch. I hope you’re gonnae be ok mate”.  

In recent weeks, it’s gone from grim to grimmer.