Is this Glasgow’s — nay the world’s — most prolific curry critic?

It is impossible to convey the scope of Hector’s appetite for curry, but allow me to endeavour. Hector (not his real name) styles himself as “near mythical”, promising to all that, “If you cook Curry, Hector will visit, eat and review”. And review he has, on a scale that makes Jay Rayner’s career look a bit half-arsed, quite frankly. 

Since Curry-Heute began in 2010, Hector has filed over a thousand reviews in Glasgow alone. Across Scotland, he’s totted up 1,284 entries. And he does not consign himself to his own patch. Hector has sampled rogan josh in Orkney, lamb Karahi in Caithness and onion bhaji in Inverness. In England, he’s eaten in the hallowed cities of Bradford (151 reviews), Birmingham (4) and Manchester (150), as well as further flung and lesser known locations like Huddersfield, Leamington Spa and Horsham. There are 44 entries for Crawley alone. He’s enjoyed aloo gobi in St Albans, sag duck in Berwick-upon-Tweed and mixed kebab in Peterborough (the less said about the latter, the better). In Germany, he’s clocked up 227 reviews — which may have something to do with Hector’s predilection for all things Germanic lager. But there are also entries for Ireland, Wales, Portugal, Spain, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Italy, Luxembourg, Croatia, Malta, Czechia and Slovakia. (The list goes on). He’s eaten goat curry in Vermont: “I couldn’t believe how good it was”. Vegas, one word: “terrible”. Desi Korma in Albany: “A happy end to that trip.” 

Last year, he went on a curry world tour, visiting Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the United States. His first stop upon his return? Yadgar Kebab House on Calder Street, where we’re meeting today. It will be his 156th review of the Pakistani diner in Govanhill. It is the epitome of the “curry café’; the high watermark of desi cooking and the precise sweetspot in the price/quality curry ratio. (Others might describe Yadgar as a prime example of Humble Yum™). The café curry is Hector’s preferred plate, rather than the more upscale eateries, today centred around Merchant City, with the notable exception of Mother India. There is a global list of Hector’s recommended curry houses on his website, including restaurants as far afield as Seattle, Tel Aviv and … Helensburgh. He’ll always come back to Yadgar’s though. “It is unique what they achieve in this place.” 

Hector could well be the most prolific reviewer of curries. I invite you to find anyone who has reviewed more curry houses than he. In fact, there is only one other food writer on these isles with an equally obsessive approach to reviewing; Andy Hayler is to Michelin star restaurants what Hector is to mom-and-pop curry shops. Hayler may have been to every three star restaurant in the world, but has he frequented each of Glasgow’s world-famous Pakistani curry cafés? I thought not. And I know which middle-aged man I’d prefer to be eating lunch with on a Tuesday afternoon. “Three o’clock is my preferred time to eat, I’m not a breakfast person,” he explains, as I take a seat in the booth across from him.

So strap in, hopefully not on an empty stomach, as we bring you Curry-Heute’s Ten Curry Commandments, as well as his top ten Glasgow curry houses. You can thank me later — I’ll be at Yadgar’s, watching the main man chow down on an alarmingly large portion of goshat Karahi, mango Rubicon in hand.   

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